Your English teacher needs you.
After your first ride in the boat, we are friends. Five minutes between classes and seven minute car rides every day but Thursday help us build trust as you share your life experiences, intensely putting my simple teen angst to shame. Your mother didn’t want to be a mom, and your dad didn’t want to be a dad, so they both left. Your grandparents raised you, and you thought you were spoiled. Your dad had a change of heart, and you gave him a chance. You didn’t want to live anymore, but You gave Yourself a chance. Most people end up in this town because of the nearby military base. That’s why I’m here. You came here because you have a big heart. My parents have always wanted me, which meant I never had a choice where I’d live. And I’m thankful for it.
In amongst your sharing, mainly at school, you’ve been scaring me. The bruises don’t help either. You aren’t specific until after the winter holiday. The bruises are more specific then too. Clear finger definition on your neck, authorities could have finger printed.
January. A Saturday afternoon I am on my first official date with a new boyfriend, of whom you approve. We are at the movies, and a couple friends, who I had never seen outside of school, come up and ask if I’ve seen you or heard from you this weekend. You were supposed to call them. You were supposed to call your boyfriend. And now everyone’s worried.
The last time I saw you, your neck said He choked me. I think I’m scared for you, but I can’t really explain my anxiety to anyone. People say my face is like somebody died. Maybe I’m sick. Maybe you’re still sick and nothing’s really wrong. No. I know better than that. I even force myself to talk to our English teacher, first year teacher, a baby herself, after class the second day you aren’t in school. The conversation makes me late for class, so she gives me a note to get into my third/fourth period, and it’s second semester, so I walk to our Chemistry class alone the second day in a row. The tables in the lab only seat two, and we’re partners. I get to sit alone for the second day in a row. Ten minutes pass, I’m really trying to listen to the foreign exchange chemistry teacher, and then the phone call. The teacher always calls us by our first names. Ms so and so, Mr such and such. I look up when she speaks, because she’s saying that I’m Ms So and So and my English teacher needs to see me.
Two minutes. It takes two minutes to walk from the Chemistry room in the middle hall, down the concourse, up the stairs in the main hall to the English class. Going through the main building from hallway to hallway normally takes longer during period changes, so you and I always take the concourse. I run down the concourse this Tuesday to get to the news I can’t even try to run away from now.
My soul knew it at the movies, but my brain would not listen. My soul knew it Monday morning when you weren’t in class. Still my body wouldn’t listen. She’s okay. Stupid defense mechanisms, telling me to not panic. I heard English teacher needs you, and then my ears knew it too. How did I get out of the chair? I don’t remember making myself move, my body hurt too much. Heavy stomach, lightheaded, flushed cheeks, shaky hands. My body knows it now.